Where the Layers Lead Me – Into the Source

This painting holds so many layers that I’ve lost count. Each one could have stood on its own - each a finished piece, a captured moment, a whisper of something whole. But somehow, the knowing from within was clear: it wasn’t finished yet - the way it was always meant to be.

I wasn’t chasing perfection. I was chasing a feeling - and the feeling was somehow slipping through my brushes and colors. I was chasing a knowing. And I didn't know what it was until it arrived.

Last weekend, during a moment of stillness, something beyond words happened. I found myself invited into what I can only describe as the Source. The place before thought, beyond form. A thought passed through me, quiet but present: If I join, will I cease to exist?

Still, I let go and dived in.

And no, I didn’t disappear. I was still me, but more - infinitely more. It was as if I multiplied endlessly, yet remained whole. First, there was peace. Then came a love so vast and all-inclusive, it held everything without distinction. And behind it all pulsed life - pure, vibrant energy. There was no urge to do anything - although I could do whatever I wanted. I felt no need, only presence. Only being.

The Source didn’t look like my painting. My painting looks like the Source. And my soul had to wait to experience It in order to finish the painting.

It wasn’t planned. It never is, really. I paint intuitively, letting one mark lead to another, building up, breaking down, listening as much as moving. This time, the painting waited for me to catch up to It.

Now when I look at it, I don’t see just paint. I see being. I see what it felt like to be part of everything and still be myself. A paradox that now makes perfect sense.

Maybe this piece isn't just a painting. Maybe it's a portal. Maybe it's a reminder. Maybe it's simply a visual echo of the place where I remembered who I truly am.

And perhaps, if you sit with it long enough, it might remind you, too.